Rent Free: diary style

Finally sharing tidbits of my heart as my personal thought made me feel good. But at the same time such a loser. I should have taken a chance with you a long time ago.  My desires of something pure of my own disqualified you of owning my heart as well as the rest of me. But I don't have a heart at this time. I only have a body who has deep desires of the flesh. I found myself in a very dark place where my faith in humanity was being tested. It was a losing battle. However, I trusted you enough to get close. And once you did, you left a lasting impression. I couldn't think straight. An insatiable desire to be with you consumed every component of my being. I couldn't work without be distracted.

Everything reminded me of you and infinite possibilities to arouse me. I finially figured out what I wanted from a man. I didn't mind his independence or his power. I was fine with the idea for a man working long hours. I needed a man who was fine with my independence and my strength. What I truly needed was a lover. A man that would come home and I would be able to give him rewards for being a man. I needed a man that could separate relationship issues and become a lover to me; to place my body and mind at ease from the stress of this world. I wanted a man that once we walked into the bedroom, could distract me from my own pettiness. When he looked at me, I could see his insatiable hunger to make me his. I did want to be putty in this man's hands.

What made you so sexy to me was you had everything. I could only offer myself to you. That's all, a body that was ready and willing to give and receive pleasure. There was no need to help you in your career or finances. You had the nice car and home. You had simply every material thing a man may want. However, a fantasies of me may have filled your lonely nights. The possibility of living out your fantasies filled me. And I was so eager to taste more of you. I wanted to be filled by you. I wanted to be teased by you. I wanted to melt in your presence.

I wondered if you were feeling the same way.  It's been 30 days since our encounter. As a spiritual person, I did believe that energies could travel long distances. I believed  that his energy was thinking of me. There were sudden urges of sexual tension  running through my body. I felt my pussy having hiccups. Wetness was produced. I was having near orgasmic hot flashes. I would find myself excusing myself to the bathroom. I would  wash my face. Worse case scenario, I had to take a shower. I would deeply sigh in temporary relief. The world materialize your presence in my life with symbolism. There was driving episode that I had counted 92 Tesla cars. This only happened one time. Since that moment, I hadn't seen the infamous T. You were slowly driving me mad. I loved every moment of this lapse of insanity.

My days were fill with random episodes of remembering our encounter. I integrated it into a new possibillity. For example, during our engagement, I enjoyed how you reach out to rubbed my pussy into a blissful orgasm.  So little things mades me think of you. I was in my kitchen doing the dishes. I wish you would come  from behind. I would feel your warm embrace. A soft kiss would be placed on my neck. From behind, you caress my neck and that hands molds my body. I try to focus on washing the dishes. My hands were  soaking  in the running water. You reach into my nether regions looking for my clit. You kept reaching, and received a wet surprise.

You finger massaging me made all my skin tingle. I grew weak in my knees. I imagine you reacting to me.  I imagined you breathing into ear. I imagined you coaching me. Begging for me to drench your finger and make them prune with my wetness. I buckled in my stance. You pressed me up on the sink. You were going to make me come forcefully. I wanted you to make me come. But I felt like I wasn't going to survive this orgasm. I begged. I begged that you wouldn't stop playing with me. I begged for you to keep going every time you slowed down. You couldn't  believe this was happening.

My sexual assult rifle fired its shot. Fireworks exploded. The geyser of passion erupted. I clawed at the sink. I closed my eyes as my eyeballs rolled to the back of my head. My toes curled inward. "Yes baby, just like that," you praised me. Slowly, you pulled your fingers out of me. You ran your fingers up to my mouth. You placed your pruned fingers into my mouth. I tasted rich in sin.

As the haze of  my daydream disappeared, reality had settled. My faucet was still running. My fingers were pruned. I felt the moist discomfort between my legs. I turned off the faucet and rush to the half bathroom to clean myself up.