Reunited: the diary version

One of my early childhood memories was watching the 1985 movie "Legend" with Tom Cruise. And I remember the scene where two unicorns had reunited. That scene did not resonate with me until recently.

There will be different people at different periods of your life that would fit the dream person profile. What did mine look like today: Financially successful. Tall, dark and handsome. Well put together. Has the ability to treat me like a princess. The guy in which you can share your ideas and has resources to assist you in making it happen instead of just being a cheerleader. I met one of those types of guys before. He picked me up from one of the bank locations when i was a traveling bank teller. He took me home. Nothing happened; not even a kiss. It was a very nice feeling, but I didn't make anything of it. Little did I know, he was the unicorn. Years had gone by and he stayed watching me from afar. Deep down inside, I had wished that it was me bearing the ring of that maritial agreement he owned. It did pain me, but I had to find something of my own. I ended up tripping and falling. Tripping and falling. Again tripping and falling.  And with every fall, he's out there watching me still. Every time he spoke to me all i could think about was "It should have been me." My stubborness to do it on my own, led me to a neverending cycle of losers. These losers had cunningly placed a blindfold on me. They all hid their true natures of being parasitic and detrimental to my well-being. The blindfold would come off if i had to invoke my own masculine energy. It was through personal tragedy that created nuclear rage. This rage personified my masculine energy.  Like the incredible Hulk, shit had to be taken care of. And at that precise moment, was when i rip the blindfold and create chaotic freedom. Eventually freedom would be obtain but Iwas left with all the collateral damage from the separation.  He still watched from afar. Even during all the interactions with all these losers, i maintained my loyalty to them and I honored the marriage.  I continued to say no to him.

It Should Have Always Been Me. I  never questioned why he hung around for so long. I would have gave up on me a long time ago. He attributed me to be his dream girl. When I recall that term, my numbness does not let me think deeper then it's face value. All it meant was that I was a fantasy to him.

I embarked towards  a new chapter called 2023, it was going to be full of voyages. This year I had decided to openly speak my mind. I was going to take another trip.  "I wish you were coming with me to watch the sunset," was the last messaged i had texted him. That invoked everything to follow. I had not romanticized him. But I thought he would be the most decent inappropriate guest to my little fantasy. I had lost hope in humanity. However, I had always seen him differently. I didn't want to hear or see another man. But he was always there. I trusted him to get close to me. I felt safe and at peace. I did not see him as a man, but a unicorn. And if this was going to be another bad judgemen tcall, it was not anything worse than what I had endured in life. I continue my blatant honesty with him. I shared those secrets that could have provoked something in the past. But I wasn't looking for his validation, or even the reciprocation of emotions. I just wanted it off my chest.

Conversations insued and temptations that had been hibernating for years resurfaced. A new level of creativity emerged. An insatiable desire to live was reborn. I had become thirsty for provocative sessions with him. These sessions manifested through my fingertips as I wrote story after Story. They became the new series for "the Untamed Passions," website. I had left PrintedPassions with unfinished business. He was going to be the protagonist of my delusional fantasies. In my mind, he owned all his masculine energy. It made me feel safe. So I was able to shed that cape that I had worn for so long. In my mind, he took control. However, I never really knew what kind of person he would be in the bedroom. He just stated that he desired more than just a kiss. I understood he had an insatiable hunger for me. I eventually rendered him as a formidable adversary in the bedroom. He concealed himself very well. Curiosity scratched at every inch of my being. Finally, I said yes. Yes, to seeing him. Yes, to feel the kiss. Yes, to the "more" he had invisioned in his head. Yes, to whatever was going to happen that night. However, I did not think that my "yes" was going to change the future. I was suspecting that I would be waiting and waiting just like he had done with me.

The doors of opportunity were forced opened by his hand. He made arrangements to make sure he was in the same state as me. It would create the time and place for us to meet.

I have been numbed by all the disappointments of life. I really wasn't expecting it to occur. However, just like you prepare for the worst, I prepared for the most optimistic scenario possible. I suspected that he would able to stay over night and I would be able to stay with him. It was quite easy to do. When you have a husband that doesn't acknowledge your existence, it seems like you regain your freedom. Only a legal document binds you. It also helps to have a daughter that dislikes your husband so much due to all the narcissistic behaviors he had displayed throughout the years with both of us. She was not willing to go Toe to Toe with him, but she was well versed in passive aggressive behaviors mimicking the ones displayed by her mother throughout her childhood.

Timing was everything. So many things had aligned for our reunion. Location was set. Time was set. I was going to see my unicorn after such a long time. I was nervous. So many years have passed by. Fine wrinkles we're starting to creep up. Body changes throughout those years. Grey hairs become the new highlights. Insurities is my new cape. However, with him, I felt a deep desire to just to be honest and sincere with him and with myself. All those missed opportunities were based on fear. Fear that I could not control myself with him. I believed that those "long term" relationships were going to be for the rest of my life. He had outlived all of them. Place me in a room with him, and i was not sure if i would pass the test of temptation. I wanted to respect my partners of each era not knowing how much disrespect they had showered me with.

Hot Mess is pretty much i describe myself. However, that's how he wanted me. I just wore a black fitted athletic suit. I wore a neon pink Victoria Secret bra. Underwear, was not necessary as i was wearing leggings. I wore my wedges to elevate the all black attire. I remembered how glamourous I used to be. A freshly cut hair was blown dried straight. There was no need to wear make up. We were going to be in the dark. As I walked away from the place i called home, I finally heard the words from my legal owner, "You look nice." I had to hint at the fact that three days ago, Ihad cut my hair and he never noticed. "Oh, well have fun," was his final words.  There was a level of hatred that continue to brew in my heart. The current marriage nurtured the biggest abuser that i had ever encountered. Each of my layers torn down. I did not recognize myself with him anymore. I was battered and bruised but he left me no marks. I had died many days and nights. Tears saturated my pillows. I had experience a Mortal Kombat fatality, but I lived just so I can keep the tale in silence. I had silently quit that life when i head the word "breathtaking." My unicorn had supplied this desert rose enough water to live for this moment. 

2013 BMW 550i with m-class body kit was the transportation of my deliverance. A well lit parking lot was going to be the place since some doors were closed at the last minute. Feelings did not exist at that moment. It was the desire that fueled my survival. I was going to enter this era as the type of lover i had manifested many years ago. The mistress would not have much to say and her feelings compartmentalized. She enjoyed having fun and experiencing all types of sex play. I would surrender myself to him and only him. Even the mistress was loyal. Discretion would be my new full name. He would never fear that i would look for him. We would be each other's secret.

He parked next to me and entered my car. He was handsome. He had not changed much himself. Was I ready for him? I felt like an angel that had fallen from heaven to see this majestic creature. I looked at him. He looked a me. There was an awkward pause. I noticed how he looked at me. his gaze lowered to his lips. i could read his eyes. They said, "Those lips that I want to kiss." My mind wondered, "Who's going to make the first move?" Suddenly we both rushed in for the long awaited kiss. it played out better than any movie. I had a peppermint gum in my mouth, but I could taste the wine he had been drinking. my nerves got the best of me as my mouth dried up. I then asked if he wanted to move to the back seat of the car. I had already invision that if i could, I would straddle him in the back seat and continue to kiss him.

Straddling him was so pleasurable. Usually, I'm particular on how a man holds me. I am afraid of the significance of their body language. Worried if I misread his signal, or put to much emphasis on movement. It felt like he had studied me for years. the way he held me. The way he touched me. I melted into euphoria. I met my divine femine self. No cares. No worries. True pleasure. I was living and savoring. I looked at him. Stared at him. My unicorn was real and touching me. My top was unzipped. My bra was unclipped. My breasted exposed and placed into his mouth. I grew so weak. He kissed my neck. At one point i felt him bite me. Although he left his mark on me, Iwish one of those marks was physically a bite mark; a symbol that I was his. A piece of paper was not going to claim this intimate part of me anymore.

He held me in a tight embrace. It was intimate. Our forehead touched. Our noses touched. Our Lips touched. I started to ride him as if we were in the act. However, we were fully cloth. I could feel him getting hard through his pants.  I imagined that i would be the assertive one, but he was really enjoying himself with me. he would lay compliments upon me. The mistress in me heard his words. I could just smile. I accepted his words at face value. I didn't read between any lines. I did hear him say, "I cant wait to make love to you." Many years ago, that line would have stabbed me in the heart. It killed me. But my unicorn couldn't say anything to hurt me. I took it for face value. I felt soft.  As we were  commiting sin, I felt the purest. I felt treasured as if he known that I was a fallen angel. I couldn't stop smiling. My breasts exposed to him. I rearranged myself after bopping my head on my car ceiling. I definitely underestimated the head room of the car. I found myself laying across his lap. I loved looking at him. He was still holding me intimately. I welcomed it. Then his hand reached and grabbed my pussy. He started to press through my pants

"Stick your hand in," I corrected him. Even through my tight pants he found my clit. I was getting wet from the moment he placed his lips on mine. He enjoyed feeling my wetness. He definitely had been studying my body, my stories. He found my clit and started rubbing it. I had been silenced for so many years I had forgotten that I get loud in these moments of erotic pleasures. I moaned and I cursed as I squirmed and had become restless when touched a certain way. I was grabbing at anything and everything. He made me even tapout. I felt myself reaching for an orgasm. It was better than what i had imagined it to be with him. He stared at me. I had stopped looking at him since I was so focused on me. I was focused on the way I was feeling.  I was just letting go now. The essence  of passion  was so invigorating. I glanced to him for a second and I saw him grinning. I think this was part of his wish as well. Once the orgasm was completed I was exhausted. I cuddled into him as I said, "Are you trying to put me to sleep."  He smiled at me.

I was still timid with him. It was not because I didn't know what to do. I was really just savoring the moment. I wanted to take it slow. I was curious about him. My imagination had grown wild figuring out different parts of him. I wanted to see how his more intimate parts were doing. Did my unicorn realized that I enjoyed the workings of a penis. And I would take care of him just as much as the rest of its owner. I teased him by massaging his penis through his pants. I felt a hardness I had forgotten that men could have. I was intrigued to see more. I bent over and I put my mouth over his pants and my mouth squeezed on this hardness. There was still more I wanted to do. He assisted me by undoing his belt in his pants and was able to pull this manhood out. Darkness still hid it well. I did not see all of its details. But it felt so nice in my hand it was warm. I felt this soft tip. It wanted some attention.

I lowered my head to kiss its tip. I introduced it into my mouth and I started to salivate as it went deeper. It was a nice fit into my mouth. I wanted to see how much I could get into my mouth. It was definitely a mouthful. It was definitely soft to my touch. He wasn't expecting this. Neither was I but there was a hunger and curiosity I needed to feed. My head bobbed up and down for a little bit. Then I resurfaced so I can look at him. I did offer him wipes just in case if he made a mess I would clean him up. I showed a mercy by stopping. We snuggled a little bit and he proceeded to play with me again.

How many times I wished he was around and shove his fingers into me. To warm me up. To open me up so I can take the rest of him inside of me. SIince he wanted to play with my clam, I instructed him to go inside of me. That drove me wild. I did not know how many fingers he was using it just felt so good to me once again the squirming and the moaning started. Damn, I wished that was his penis inside of me. He was definitely provoking another orgasm. My mind raced, wondering what it would have been like if we were in an enclosed room. Would this be it? Would he just want to make me come multiple times. I wondered if that was his goal to really own me in that aspect. My unicorn surely knew how to make me melt. He knew how to warm me up. He knew how to devour my being. He knew how to make me come multiple times. He knew how to have me at his beckon call. He could walk away saying that he had me and that I enjoyed every bit of him. A scary addiction was overriding my body. I could get used to this feeling. I loved it.

My second orgasm for the night was produced. Little did he know I was going to return the favor for him. My deep desire for penis worship insued. The earlier sample wasn't what I do normally. I like to take it even slower. I felt his tip at the brim of  his underwear. I was able to expose his manhood again. I started nibbling up the shaft licking it up and down. I loved how the tip of his penis slap my tongue. I moved myself over a little bit just so that he can see what I was doing. I wanted him to understand that it wasn't just a blowjob. I wish I could have done more. I inserted his penis back in my mouth and I started to suck on it it felt so good. I didn't feel obligated. I didn't feel dirty. There was no shame in what I was doing. I wanted him to feel special. I would love to practice on him again and again. I felt his hand pushed down on my head just a little bit. Then he would tell me to stop. I thought I had done something wrong. My head pops up and I forewarn him that I do take good direction in this aspect. If he wanted me to stop I would. He looks at me and ask, " And what if I bust? " I looked at him and replied," I want to taste you." I lower my head back on his penis and I tasted him. He tasted good. I felt a little bit of a gag reflex as he really went deep into my mouth. Once again I felt the hand on my head pushed down on me a little.

There was no warning me when exactly he was going to come so I would slowly bob up and down. I tasted his pre-cum. And as I was about to pull my mouth off the tip of his dick I felt shooting warm cum come out of the tip of his penis I thought I  was going to miss it all. I mad sure the head of his penis was secured by my mouth.  I let him shoot his load into me. It was actually quite tasty. There was no smell and there was a little bit of sweetness to it. This moment defined him. It demonstrated what type of diet he maintained. I really enjoyed that since one of my non negotiables is health. It gave me the confidence to encounter more moments of playing with his cum. As my mouth was filled with his milk, I did not consider spitting it out. The vitamin D went down my throat. I did not know his boundaries so I lifted my head up as he was in awe.  I just looked at him. And then I stated, "I do have Listerine in the trunk if you want me to use it. I don't know what your boundaries are when it comes to me swallowing and then kissing me." Then he placed a kiss on my lips. I smiled. His sexuality was divine.

I wanted him retrieve some of his composure. His member was weak and sensitive. I wouldn't have minded taking advantage of him some more. I may have not been the first, but I was this current memory of oral sex. Now you can wonder what it would be like to have me do it in a bed. He could  wonder how it would be done if I was in the shower with him. He would be able to imagine what it would be like to receive some penis worship just because I wanted to. Just because I wanted to taste him. What if I wanted him to fuck my mouth one day. Now he could imagine what it would be like with that little sample. I had yet to explore other things to even make that little skill better. But in order to get better, I needed, a volunteer. I needed to practice. I would love to indulge once again with him.

The mistress in me just looked at him and participated in shallow small talk. And this is where he gets me every single time. He loved PrintedPassions. I don't know if it was because he really believed the idea of what I was doing. Or he just wanted a reliable place to get his rocks off. However, he assisted in conceiving the newly founded creativity. He was all in on see it rise and watch its success. He wanted to nuture the rebirth of this creative being. He was a fan and the biggest supporter. He gave me two ideas in order to create massive volume of content. It would save me time. I paid attention. For the very first time, the ideas were not just an IM.  Not only did I hear it in his voice, he gave me a look. I broke my own rule of not reading into things. He cared more than he led on. That weakened my Stone Cold Heart. It should have been me! I could never repay him for the water he sprinkled on me once upon a time. I can never apologize enough for the times I've always turned them down because of my immaturity. But I could thank him by making the Untamed Passions a successful brand.

He had to go home. Disconnecting was easy this time. He stepped out of my car and I went into his. There was no looking back. There was no additional courtesy hunk of farewell. He sped off. I understood that. It was a long commute to begin with. I sat in my car. There was no remorse for what had happened. I was happy and took some time to  figure how to wipe the smile off my face. I had to face reality. I was going to walk into a 1700 square foot home full of emptiness. No one was going to be up waiting for me. Loneliness would have been a better company.

The night was so young. And I sat on the couch reminiscing and replaying the night over and over in my head. As much as I wanted to stop smiling, I couldn't. I didn't want to. I didn't even want to change the clothes I was wearing. I took off my shoes and I tiptoed up the steps. I brushed my teeth. I undid the covers for my side of the bed and i slipped in. I rested my head on a pillow where I could only dream about my unicorn. It was so Majestic. I will not see this unicorn again for an unknown time frame. I have accepted that when I said yes. Until then the mistress will go back into her slumber until she's called upon again. She will control my reservations. She's strong enough to deal with any collateral damage from any interaction as a lover. There is no looking back or regrets or remorse when she's alive and thriving.